This is probably going to piss some people off but here goes, a theme close to my heart is feeling to be shared. 

If I were to label myself as identifying with any path, religion or tradition I’m not sure I really have one, but the closest I would come to is calling myself a Pagan.

It’s no wonder then that the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, and my skin crawls slightly whilst exploring some of these old christian churches here in Essex England.

I am over here right now visiting family.

Maybe it’s past life stuff, maybe its because a shit tonne of witches were executed in Essex during the witch hunts, pagan churches burnt or maybe its simply because my own journey has revealed how religion (particularly the Christian religion in my British upbringing) had caused me to feel so much disconnection to my own source of power.

Looking back it wasn’t that anyone actually told me that my sex and my physical body was bad shameful or dirty, I never went to church except for funerals or weddings no one directly said anything but I certainly got the message loud and clear that these things were unholy. 

There was an unspoken fear, shame and guilt  around pleasure, sexuality, periods, any bodily secretions, and emotions. Everything in this area was hidden, washed, deodorised, not discussed,  pushed down or worse mocked – causing me to disconnect from:

  • my sexuality and unruly emotions NOT seeing them as something sacred and a window to the Soul, 
  • to my moon cycle as something magical, 
  • and to my body as something just as holy as my spirit!

For myself and many others like me along with this disconnection from the body comes the disconnection to this physical plane and earth as something holy – the reason why we have managed to rape and pillage this planet to the extent we have where we are faced now with our own impending extinction ( sooner than we think unless we take radical steps!) 

Western organised religion ie Christianity has taught us many disempowering beliefs around sex and the body, worshipping some power outside of ourselves rather than supporting us to connect to our own intrinsic power and freedom from within, disconnecting us from the physical plane here and promising us some nirvana when we die. 

It is THIS disconnection i believe that has fuelled the disconnected ways we are using resources on this planet. Spiritual paths that do not honour the body as holy also disconnect us from the land and this earthly plane as something sacred, and also leaving a VOID within us that is in constant need of filling.

We have been brainwashed to favour the paths of ascension of going UP, beyond the body into the ‘higher’ realms, these are seen as sacred and holy, that this earthly plane and all our human-ness is something to overcome and to transcend. Meditations, prayer, spiritual beliefs that teach us to favour non-attachment, light, love and peace have been favoured YET they only give us a PART of the picture, of the WHOLE and leave us disconnected from our power, and experiencing this earthly realm in a placid detached and disconnected way. 

If we only pursue spiritual traditions that make us deny parts of ourselves, and seeking power from something outside of us we are more susceptible to influence from the outside, to consumerism, to following a leader be he/she political or religious rather than trusting our own intuition or gut.

There is a reason why we evolved this way.

We were too immature as a collective to deal with power.

We are inexperienced at feeling power and using it in life-affirming and loving ways.

We only know ‘power-over’ ways of being rather than the maturer model of ‘power-with’ or ‘sharing power’.

When we connect with our body, with our emotional and sexual realm, when we make friends with our human and more animal ways, when we embody our darkness and primal tendencies and bring them into loving awareness rather than being in denial and shame about them, something shifts within us and we feel more WHOLE, and therefore ‘Holy’. We can embrace our authenticity and truth freeing ourselves of the shame of being ‘ human’.

What is freedom after all? 

No longer are we so dependant on something outside of ourselves to feel powerful, something internal starts to feed us, we can feel powerful in places of weakness and vulnerability. At last strong enough to admit our dependancy on one another, embracing our humanity rather than running away from its vulnerability out of fear. 

For once we are able to feel deep intimacy and love with one another which is free from co-dependance because we are also deeply connected to our spiritual essence as well as human self.

When this ‘wholeness’ way of being starts to permeate our lives we can embrace all parts of our emotional nature, and sexual desires, bringing presence and consciousness to these areas of our lives and moving in life-affirming ways with one another ( sharing power) , rather than needing to control and limit one (power-over) 

This can lead to us daring to show up in our lives in more authenticity and truth. Or at least to admit our failings and the truth that we are a work in progress and still learning how to move beyond using power as control, and deepening into the power of simply being with the truth of our experience and the power that is held within the transparency of that with one another.

With embracing all of this comes a deep sigh of relief and a feeling that at last maybe this earth is a safe pace to be, and that we can trust one another, there is a power that develops within that no one can take away.

There is a deep and grounded connection to wherever you find yourself in your life, and what I have been experiencing as a simple waking up to what is real, and an acceptance of what is and a courage to admit that. A very humbling journey, far from the high expectation of enlightenment i once had.

This being human malarky isn’t easy.

This is a the path of en-darkenment that goes alongside one’s spiritual journey of ascension it is not so often talked about in spiritual traditions but its equally as important, and I feel the answer to healing the mess we have found ourselves in within our humanity.

So as well as going UP, we may also want to think about going IN and going DOWN, into all those places we wish didn’t exist, or are ashamed to look into, or are denying even exist. This is the path of the Feminine mystic, or the left hand path the counterpart to the masculine realms of LOVE, LIGHT and ASCENSION this is what has been forgotten in many of our spiritual traditions but now it is time for us to reconnect and to bring back the holiness of our earthliness, the sacredness of our humanity, and the power within it, we cannot do this alone, this is something we do together.

if you’d like to chat about this some more with me and you are in the vicinity of Auckland then join me for Tea ( and cake) and Tantra …..