DESIRE: the word for me can conjure up scenes of naughty hidden secrets; red silks blowing in the wind, a large four-poster bed, exotic locations and mystery lovers..Maybe it’s my imagination running away with me, but I link it to erotic pleasures, melted chocolate and candles, it has a devilish feel. To me it has felt a loaded word that somehow evoked a feeling of selfishness, a belief that my desires could come at the expense of others, that I will be judged for this.
All this is an elaborate story in my mind I know, but my question is, is it something in the collective? What does the word DESIRE mean to you?
My relationship with desire is changing, I see desire now as something simple, and a need, a want, and a vision I have of something that matters to me.
I see now how I am responsible for feeling what my desires are in life, and in order to make some of them a reality, a need to own them, communicate them, voice them, even when its not easy to for fear of rejection.
Lets take sexuality for a start a minefield of desire.. Or not. I think about how many times in my life I have lost connection to my desire, and instead fallen into fulfilling another’s, I gained a certain amount of fulfilment doing that for a while, but sooner or later I became resentful and disconnected.
I have spent a lot of time in the past focusing on what I don’t want, at times having the consciousness of a fly and only seeing the shit. Lately I have been focusing on feeling into my desire.. “What is it that I do want? And holding that vision or if appropriate communicating it”
Especially within sexual relationships we can assume that the other person knows what we want, that they will somehow with their innate wisdom deliver it to us without us having to do anything, wrong! Whilst we are evolving at an amazing rate, most of us have not yet mastered telepathy.
Spending time envisaging what you want sexually is a powerful practice. Communicating this with your partner, or simply out loud to yourself if you do not have one helps make thoughts become reality.
I know in the past I have been guilty of complaining; yet not really knowing what it is I DO WANT!
I now know what I want, I want to feel the true desire of the deepest part of my soft feminine nature, I want to explore the realms of Divinity through my sexuality, both alone and with another. I want to feel deeply the connection between Sex and Spirit. I want to explore further raising my sexual energy up through my chakras, sky dancing, allowing the pulse of the Divine to course through me enabling me to surrender control and feel myself beyond my personality, my simple human self.
I want connection with my lover and presence, and thanks to my exploration of Sacred Sexuality I now know how to navigate this path, and am also thrilled and excited to support others on this path to wholeness and fulfilment.
In this crazy, fucked up, beautiful world it can sometimes feel hard to get what we want, but knowing what we want and what is obtainable is a start.
For those in relationships, the next time you are with your partner and you feel to move into sex or if either one of you does. Tune into what it is that you really want. Ask yourself “what am I desiring here?” be as clear and specific as you can: i.e. I’d like some sensual touch all over my body, or I’d like to remain connected with eye contact throughout our interaction, or I’d like to totally take from you and experience my pleasure, are you ok with that? (You may be surprised how much of a turn on that can be for both with full consent to do so.) Maybe you don’t want to go into sex after all and would prefer to sit and share from your heart how you’re feeling, or something that has been niggling you.
The best way we can fully open up to desire is to be really honest with others and ourselves. This can be a practice to do alone, imagine you are your most sensitive best lover and come from that place. See if you can really listen to what you truly desire in that moment.
Every time we abandon ourselves and give over to someone else’s desire instead of following our own, we shut off to our own source of pleasure, bit by bit this can cause us to feel no pleasure, one of the reasons for lack of libido I believe. I know this as I have done this most of my life and am now undoing all of that, I am stepping out into a new mode of being one that isn’t always what everyone else wants but I am loving myself enough to be true to myself and there is real power in that, and a more authentic connection with others.
I truly love to support others on this journey and will do my best to support others with what I have learnt.
So for any women out their reading this, if anything here rings true for you then take a look at my event here
I’d love to support you on this amazing and powerful journey back home to yourself, your authenticity, your power and your desire.